Glutton for Punishment

I took the MA bar this July. The entire process was terrible, no good, and horrible. I still can't figure out whether I just forgot the misery of the Virginia bar over the intervening years or whether it actually really was harder this time. Over the past year I thought of the bar with a touch of arrogance, "I've already passed one, this will just be review, easy, no big deal." Boy was I wrong. First of all, studying 10-12 hours a day is NEVER a piece of cake or easy. Neither is doing it with three kids rather than two. Neither is doing it after 4 years of complete and total mental neglect rather than just one (it is HARD to jump start a brain into school again).

I was also surprised at how isolated I felt. Last time, Tim was on break from school and so I was able to attend the two months of four hour daily lectures. This time, Tim is in residency and so I listened to the lectures online. It is amazing how much my stress levels rose without peers in the same boat to interact with, to compare my challenges too, and to generally over all commiserate with. There is nothing like having someone lean over and whisper, "I only got 16% right on that last practice set, this sucks" and you then say, "Yeah, I know, Con Law is the pits. Who writes these stupid questions!" while secretly feeling much better about your 22%.

Plus, it is really hard to listen to a four hour lecture with constant child interruptions.

Also, I realized that one of the best parts of being a stay at home mom is the variety of the work. Yes that's right, I said variety. I never thought the day would come when this monotonous, repetitive, entropy fighting job would feel full of variety. But really, it is. You stand up a lot, you sit down a lot, you have a lot of freedom of what you choose to do when (I don't feel like doing dishes right now, I'll fold laundry while watching my favorite show instead). But with studying, you sit your butt in a chair for 10-12 hours a day. AGONY! My body was so mad at me.

But actually taking the bar was pretty awesome. It is good to know you are just getting it done. Plus, I finally had some peers. It is awesome being around 1000 strangers who you know are feeling and thinking and doing the same thing you are. It was fun to be in a room full of lawyers.

I didn't have any stress break downs until the day before when I called my only lawyer friend, Lia, crying on the floor of the bathroom. It felt good to have someone to cry to who knew exactly what I was going through (I took my first bar the same month she took hers).

And yes, I took pictures of me before the bar. Don't Judge Me.

This is my life and I want my important memories documented.

The First Day

The Second Day

Now I just need to wait until November 5th to find out if I passed or if I will be doing this again in February.